whats your point

christmas is almost here.

almost reaching the one month anniversary.of being attached to a wafer fab.
it has opened new routes for me.thinking...

days of rain cleans the stained atmosphere.

missed an event recently. $.

the company's welfare is pretty good.gift exchange coming monday.

carolling after a long time.makes it a new love.a new story.

found a recreational room where i can take my so missed lunch nap over here.





steps towards you made her feel heavy
anticipating your feelings made her feel drowsy
words out cant be taken back
its a one way track








blue and red gives you purple.

eat.eat.eat

playin with cutlery is so fun~!!

keke =>>
guess how mani ppl i have in my family :pp

shoesAreDbasisTo.aFoothold?

as usual.favourite slippers to school.
then...

in my lab..it decided to fail me.
first solution : lab mate babe said she wld help me tape it with black tape.

so hop hop hop.and she helped me tape it.then walk walk walk.it came off.
so hop hop hop.tried to tape it again.then walk walk walk..you know the rest..


so..i called one of my good friends to help me check out the shoppin arcade.
but......
bcos our lovely school's shoppin arcade did not sell slippers.how sad..
i had to rack my brains!
in the meantime i had to think of a solution.
and my good friend helped me once again!
he said.go to level four to find shoes~
i was like..who has shoes.
and its another of our friend's..he wasnt in school and he left his nice striking nike shoes in the lab.luckily i had socks right..so just nice.

so i had to walk up right..
then i borrowed one of my nice nice lab mate's sandals.his was like size 11?lolx!


okie..this story is goin to be reali long.
so..i took it..and slipped it on..fit!a little lose though.it was yellow =>> and i was wearin 3/4s so it matched a little!

but..i didn wana wear it truout..cos it wasn mine.so i was still searchin for a pair of slippers.
and my lab technician..who was so kind.said..blk 505 has slippers.
they didn even scold me for wearin slippers.when it was forbidden!
so.
after being comfortable in my new nice shoes, i decided to go to 505 to check out the slippers and bring back the shoes to school so my friend wld stil have it.

6pm : good friend and another friend accompanied me all the way to 505.and back.empty handed!
tell you why.
the slippers we saw at 505 were..real cool. : toilet slippers.you noe the white base blue strap kind?LOl!and they were like..hey why dun u get it..we can afford it for u.2.50! hahah =>>
oo well.so nice of them... "rollz eyes"
and then we walked all the way back to yck mrt.it was worthwhile..the test of friendship.
thank you good friend.you helped me alot that day.
oo did i mention.after gettin the shoes.i made a card for shoe's owner.with wires from my lab.it didn turn out to be that beautiful.but o well.he says he took one whole minute to figure what it was about.

so much for my creativity.
but...all in all.it was a happy incident.

i shall : treasure my slippers more
: leave a pair in my locker

haha.what if i didn have my friends tt dae.
wld i be hoppin home?
lolx

la-ing

dont ask me if i am doin fine
dont ask me if i mind
i cant even stand lookin into your eyes
how many it seen, the cries
dont want to be the next one
knowin you is close to knowin none
dont want to be decieved
you make sweetness venomed
your words are so free
why upon them, upon me
i hate your guts
the whole mind it shuts

movinON.to?

few minutes to 6pm
few hours to my presentation
few days to my attachment
few weeks to...i dont know what
lets leave the months and years aside for now......

its was an hour unworth of ear testing.while a really funny lecturer described the pros and cons about attachment.
it was a kinda mood lifter to know where i was posted to and the money i was going to get.
but who knows the down side!!!!!
maybe 5 half days?
maybe formal wear everidae?
my l.o couldn be found anywhere.keek!

the upside
:quite near my house
:pay is ok
:know a familiar face whos goin
:industrial park -- means i wont spend so much.


sighz.


its time to clear my desk in the lab.

its time to say goodbye to the nice place where i can sleep everyday from 12-1,eat breakfast,use the comp,talk to my friends,feel comfortable.
i totally will miss block s's air conditioned toilet with the full length mirror.

its time to clear the photos in my comp, the poems, the works.

i think i will post some photos of my lab soon.

presentation is tmrw.
dying.
report and aes on friday.
dying.



update when i reach home.
chaoz.

handDilemma

its going to be the end of the path.
a path i didn treasure as much till now.
i am goin to miss it.
the people, the laughter, the noise, the books, the scenery, the time, the scanning of cards even.
i can do a whole missing list.
sigh..

oo the story i was previously talkin about,
you can go yahoo and type, a story about a tree,leaf, wind.
interestin..!


why do people always say things they dont mean
wont it be better if they just dont say it


saying something should come from the heart.




i need a new hairstyle.



i know what i will miss the most.
the colourful wires from the labs.

will blog about some shoes incident soon =>>




~feelings are not meant to be tested~
~feelings are not meant to be played with~

your eyes betrayed all your innocence.


i dont like my fingers.
its weighing down my future.
how how how.

hurling.boiling.stewing.

todae.
i read a story at one of my babes blog.
its about, the tree, the leaf, the wind.
i really want to blog down the whole story.
it seems so applicable.
but heres the theme of it.

"a leaf's departure is because of a winds pursuit, or beacuse the tree didn ask it to stay"


what a way to express.relations.





how long before the tree treasures the leaf.

how long before the leaf leaves the tree.

how long before the wind comes and blows the leaf far away.

how long before the tree realises the importance of the leaf.

how long before the leaf gives up.

how long before the wind whisks the leaf to a better land.

time.give me.

sadding.

i love buffets.


what do words mean
when it cant be seen
indulging in something
the feelin is lingering
heart couldn be decidin
dealin with the timing.



FULLSTOP.
druggin.



time will tell.

yours sincerely.

a.thought.a.day

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

who calls you back when you hang up on him.

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

who holds your hand in front of his friends.

wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

years.till now.whats from now?

oo..
wanted to say
al my poems are original!
yeah
i wrote them meself.
keke so it may not be up to standard.but it will always depict somethin.


cant describe whats runnin
the thoughts are dispersin
dunwan it to move any further
losing it,sends shudders
lookin towards,retrains
the eyes,where are the remains
time.is holdin it together
whats left to remember
judging didn come innocently
all these, momentarily?
show the real you
what you say, true?
questions will be left unanswered
empty promises can be showered




wrote this poem halfway.
and blanked out.
whirling.

shatteringTHE shattered pieces.

heart so filled with remorse
whats the cause
just by lookin.encouraged the pain
to upon the soul,stain
it was as if something had snatched
thinkin wasn far fetched
cant and wouldn understand
where the mind needed to attend
the bodies were callin
notes said why arent you comin
whiteness blew tears to sand
in the direction.bend
what was owned.now was taken
choices were returned
choosin the path.own decision
for another useless mission
decidin wheres the meanin
to meaningless holdin
hurt across flashed
pang of agony dashed.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




last part of my poem


wanting back.was not bringing back
choices.made.one way track
regrettin lasts forever
cant say felt,never
alone facin the shatterin
tears wont be seen
silently watchin
internally hopin.



haha i dont know why but i dun like to blog down the whole of the poem.

the real meaning to a poem will only be known by the author.
i have decided.to take it out.
it hurt.
i never regretted havin it aniwae.
but the future does not permit me havin it.

it will just be a fraction of my past.



lost all my photos recently.
stil aint over the heartbreak
my heart was shattered.i mean honestly,who wouldn.
the worst thing is i have short term memory
so...mani things i rely on them photos.
but now.
it will be gone.forever.
i think i dedicated a poem to it.


the night is comin.
bats are flyin
~~happiness in me.is becomin~~

recognising pain.rememberin lost.

standing there in the rain watchin
across images were pourin
memories flashed past
they were runnin fast
all was turnin into ruin
in the pictures were no colourin
was it her eyes.was it the pupil
playin tricks on her until
she couldn control
she wished someone fortold
now its too late
now its all dead
it will be dried
cos by hands it was pried
originailty was in unspoken torture
there was no present no future
now only the past was striked
no more journeys she hiked
rollin down was enjoyable
as climbing up was unbelievable
this time they had gone too far
suffocating her, across her chest a bar
shielding, protecting or manipulating
choosin the latter, fighting
intentions were henious
scars appeared henious
scars appeared serious
drainin her emotionally
painin her physically
cornerin her psychologically
was it a wall
why was it so tall
did she hear a help call
it was pushin her in
it was pullin her within
two ways, she knew she weakened
redness deepened
its gone,gone forever
cried, refused to recognise never
her lips started to tremor
her fear was now a terror
it was true to the livin
false to the survivin
they were runnin fast
memories flashed past
across imahes were pourin
standin there in the rain watchin.




him,her,them,they,it,sweet,bitter,sour,salty,happiness,sadness,excitedness,emotional,madness,awards,trophies,images,potrayal,stories,colours

all.in.all
memories.
gone.
forever,and ever.

ever wondered why weddin gowns are white in colour...

Why cant people accept people the way they are
Is it that hard to find someone who will accept you the whole way you are
The person who u have been living with for the past decade. Its so tough if you were goin to change something that already lives within you.

had a girls talk todae.
da usual =>>
it was one of those that u list out your ideal partner.
he must have this and not have that

snatches from our conversation


=my side=my mouth=

purity of the soul and mind and body (sounds so yoaga-ish?)
devotedness (no eyes swervin or dartin here and there.)
un-violent
un-vulgar
wun take me forgranted
un-petty


thats d character portion
devotedness.thats just basic social etiquette!

i cant live with violent 0r vulgar culture.

takin someone forgranted..is the worse thing anione can do.

pettiness - leads to mani quarrells.

nono.




witnessed what violence can do to a person todae.
a man should never ever lay his hand on a lady.
sigh.
to whom it may concern
i am here for u...



lettin the wrong person in.
crossin a line so thin.
you knew you were fallin
everione but u were seein
inside you,flowin.rushin.bleedin
you couldn help coverin
but it was spillin
your head spinnin
pastin across u.we are carin
we are understandin
by you we are followin




todae was scary.i woke up with a sharp pain in d chest.
stabbed
and i tink i am havin a cold cough.


strepsilz!!!!

coincidentalMR.

when she looks in his direction
she sees herself in his vision
she looks like she is engaging
conversations flowin
is she livin in a dream.is she mistakin
hes sittin at the far end
but signals she send
are they bouncin back
hes bright admist the black
hes the onli one she reaches for
her gestures are only a metaphor
theres so much shes feelin
inside.burstin
he walks over
confident.whenever
waves.her eyes lit up
his movements she will mark
wats on his side she thinks
he walks away
water in her eyes she blinks
why does he have such a hold on her
her associates aint sure
why her gaze lingers
filled with dazzled lights
she wishes intellectual words could flow
to him her feelings.can parade can show.
others want chances
it aint gona work.those faces.
only a certain taste.





~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- i am trying my best in the lab
but nothins on my side
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- i reali wana excel
but no one can help
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- i have nightmares of the outcome
but reality seems worst
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- i feel like undoin her powder off her face
but self control takes over
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- i know she wun be a part soon
but i just have to wait
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- i will not succumb to her ways
but i have to act

cheerxz.


tried ginger ice creAM
it rocks my world.
yummieee


twenty something october.

nAMER

believe in mood swings
yesterdae i needed de-restless medicine
today i need de-stress and de-bluez medicine

lines crossed infront of her.but the lines did not touch her.
they were trying to entwine her.trying to grip her.
they were comin nearer.she felt suffocated.breathing was tough.now her minds a blank.



what comes across your mind when you hear.
black.
purple.


for those people who keep spamming me.i would appreciate if you came here to read what i am writtin ACTUALI.





title.ed. ~nAMER~

falling for the first time
your moves are like a chime
falling into your arms
running emotions come
i cant.pick myself up.
i aint trying my luck
i cant face you.
i know what you are feelin too.
triangles formin around the room
as darkness loom
your scent is filin the space
its wrong.but i am in a daze.



this is the first part of my poem.
lets get the other portions.
i duno why but this poem...i cant write everitin out here.


somewhere in the middle of nAMER

~
you are alreadi not your own
upon someone's heart you are sworn
what am i comittin
muz have been the lights hittin
muz have been the people movin
the beat was strong.wantin.
now an unwritten agreement between
to you what do i mean
to them, we were seen
someones gona be hurtin
it was just a moment of enticing
you were bein interestin.
no one else mattered
against you i was shattered


~ towards the end of nAMER

i cant be fallin.
that aint my callin.
what i am experiencin
your strong holdin




~ why am i always randomnisin.
oops did i forget to mention.
THANKS TO ALL WHO WISHED ME HAPPY BDAE.
LUV U GUYS LIKE. THIS MUCH ======================================================


your heart i cant steal
mine i will seal

will you stand by me.

actuali..
todae is juz a finger-feel-lik-typing day.
but not a heart-feel-like-pouring day.

many good events been happening and goin to happen this october.
the only bad thing i reckon about october is fyp.so dun i juz looove october.haha
i am struggling.
and still struggling.
hands gettin worse. = stress.

tonite is my night.aint gona let anitin spoil it then.
thanks to all who keep me close to their hearts.
love ya all dearly.appreciate ya all for appreciating me!


two incidents happened lately to remind me of my dislike of ppl takin me forgranted. and ppl who are violent, vulgar.

okie lets mark the happie dates of october!
last fridae and tmrw (sunday)
i was totali screamin last fridae though.

tuesday.bad nite.

i tried to be there for you.
i tried to listen too
said.let me in.
open those doors closin
i wont give let you fall
help u up again.tall
but you gotta know why
for you i try
i will never doubt
heart achin throughout.
three involved
problem aint resolved.
take my words.
they arent meant to be bullets.




how often do friends slip away.how often are u too busi to notice.
new favourite song.stand by me.shayne ward.
i love repeating songs.lolx.
dun tt mean i dun get bored easily.

time to get dressed.time to hit them floors.kekeke!

180 degrees is my new focus.new pain source.ouch.
dance when you are happy,dance when you are sad

13october2007.

they make me smile

toys!!!

Running away from time.runnin out of time.

i am so in love with the song sang by elliot yamin.
wait for you.

especially the introduction by the piano.
what feeling ignites in you when you hear the keys?

i feel like dancin.maybe crying.but the lyrics of the song are so sweet.wonder what the composer must have been feeling.
no stereo typing though.it may have been occurances he witnessed.

~why did you have to go.you could have let me know~

its the best song for someone nursing a heartbreak. nursing a heartbreak.but hopin for something.a patch up i reckon.

~baby i will wait for you.i really need you in my life.~
~so baby i will wait for you, i really dont know what else i can do.~

as days draw nearer to the end the routined life of the past three years.
thinking does not help anymore.
planning should be the word.
who knows what the future beholds. every night i hold a little prayer. prayer that HE will guide me through my years. thanking HIM for keepin me safe so far.


end notes. : love is unconditional.


~now im missing you and im wishing you were comin back to my door~


~~~ are quoted from ::wait for you:: ~

ThErEs JuSt ToO mUcH Time cannot ErAsE

i am sorry i chose to walk away
i guessed what was coming my way
i had no where else to turn
a different way i yearn
its not your doing
that drives me.away, going.
theres no one to bleam
its me you cant tame
the world has different faces
and i want to feel the traces.
talk about a forest.
living solitude it thirsts
talk about the blue uo there
why do we feel its bare
what you see is not what you get
step out and you will see that.
space.about you it says
think about the remaining days
why are you afraid of being alone.
afraid to lose something you cant clone.
you cant lack the factor
build up your character
why are you confusing my words
why are you digging the dirts
you wont find evidence
it will reveal.the coincidence
of the moment
your idealistic sentiment
dies within.
you will be rust clean
then yes.come back
to you intact.




i think i was listening to evanesence while writing this.i duno where all these lines come from.
i aspire to be a poet.
haha nah.
kiddin.
and i repeat.it has no reference to me.maybe reference to some people.

~what you cant erase. you keep. 02.10.2007

betweenWordsAreEXchanges.BetweenLinesAre.thoughts.

why cant you look me in the eye
and tell me you wont let me cry
you wont take back the sweet words
you wont hide your thoughts.
you tell me dont hide things
you wana be there.no matter what it brings.
then dont leave me hanging.
show me what you mean cos i aint feeling.
your silence hurts so deep
hurt, in my heart holds a grip.
give me a sign.a message.
should i forget.release my rage?
i cant.what i know cant be rewound.
your presence makes my mind unsound.
i cant trust.not yet.
the truth,freedom it wont let.
all i need is time.your assurance
of your endurance.
i cant express.is that my fault.
my tears taste of salt
you aint there to dry them.
your words are empty now.empty then?
everitime i get a signal.blood will rush
but the warmth aint gona gush
whats missing from you
i cant believe you are true
what you claimed.is it the same
dont you know my sufferin game
you are the player.
i am the slayer.
are you still waiting for my answer
here.i think of you till my eyes lower.
if only you would ask again
i am willing to swallow the pain.

was writing this during fyp.haha.cos fyp is boring.it has no reference to me :pp

dun stereotype.dun read it as it is.meanings are always hidden.

01.10.2007

nightVeetion.

oh cool..
i finally get to blog
its been ages.

if you know you have it
why flaunt it?
why are people so stereo type?

level three.
third dae.
half the me i am.

kfc so cheerx pb up.
kfc makes me happie.
todaes kfc was great.tasted the best so far.


back to the keys of beautiful music.
so soothing it makes you wana be with it forever.
its a love affair between.
the happiness source
out of remorse.

know wats screen saver blogging?
been doin it forever.


~~~but when i dialed the telephone.no body's home~~~

To her it means everything

dun matter the suffering

the lights are the target

the others are surrogate

a step onto the hard wood

livens up her mood

her eyes downcast

upon her every planned step

the space so vast

much more depth

no one needs to gaze

all covered in the smoky haze

shadows have her grace

songs on her lips u can taste

its her silent movements

that holds short that moment

cant describe that stillness

but moving images

curtain to curtain

hangs the sweat stains

And there was where.

he.made his point.

and she flipped the coin

it never landed.

away she danced.

will she ever know?

Handsome or handsome?

so ideal!

wilt.

---> thanks to u for creating a black rose for me =>>

petals are such delicate things.they hurt at the slightest abuse.

handSOME.

Durian fantasy

Guess which one is bitter and which is sweet.

Both bitter sweet?

Simply had the craving for them durians.

Loveli.

My tongue simply loves them.

Will i be eating these when i am pregnant.LOl.

drop

smile for me babe.

partying shots.

23.07.2007

What can i sell in exchange for time.Nothing.

todae was great.

juz as i spotted u.

juz as i walked over.

u started getting smaller.

u danced your way away.

on a happier note

love the song hei se you mo.

rushed out juz to hear who sang it.

believe in fate?

if onli.

Chocolate contains small amounts of a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA), which is a mild mood elevator. It’s the same chemical that our brain produces when we feel happy or “in love.” The mild “rush” we get from this substance may be why some people say they’re “addicted” to chocolate.

But i so love them aniwae. LOL. chocolate = happy = love.

Thanks for the box of chocs.

And guess wat is in pic one? M & ms... =>>